Traversing Relationships

Parenting is no easy feat. It is a divine calling that the Lord has given us as mortals and it is of the utmost importance that we give our spouse and children all of our love and effort. As a mortal parent, our children are our main responsibility outside of our relationship with our spouse. Effective parenting is built on a pyramid of influence that begins with our relationship with our child. It is important that you build a loving relationship with your child so that they feel comfortable and safe when coming to you with their concerns and struggles. A child will be more willing to let you know how they are feeling when they know that you are a trustworthy and concerned parent. Parents are the main influencers in the lives of their children. Their examples set the foundation of how the children interact with the world from a gender, personality, and spiritual standpoint. Our core beliefs are often a product of our childhood experiences and parents have a divine responsibi...

In a world where marriage is not valued as it used to be, I can understand why this topic might be highly controversial. The opinion that I have on family finances goes against what most of society believes today. I believe that fathers should be the primary provider of family finances.   Simmer down now. There are exceptions to every situation and I know this does not apply to everybody. In an ideal family situation where a mother and father are leading the home, I believe their roles are divinely appointed. Mothers are gifted with a natural ability to nurture and raise children. This does not mean that they are weak or confined to the home in any way. This is the purpose for which we, as females, were designed…literally. As females, our bodies bring children into the world after carrying them for nine months resulting in an indescribable bond. I believe that education is so important and women should most definitely have the opportunity to pursue their dreams....

Relationships…it’s not all about the love. Arguably one of the (if not the) most necessary factors to any relationship is COMMUNICATION. This may seem fairly obvious, but it’s not as easy as you think. This post is going to be about effective communication… The FIVE secrets to effective communication include: 1) Disarming Technique 2) Empathy 3) Inquiry 4) “I Feel” statements 5) Stroking The disarming technique is a very useful skill- especially when it comes to sensitive subjects. Knowing how to soften the tension before it grows into an argument using humor, love, and respect will keep your relationship from the dangers of blind anger. It is important to learn when an argument is worth having versus when it is better to let your spouse have his/her own way of doing things. Often arguments with those we love are over the most mundane things and the words exchanged in the heat of the moment can cause a lot of damage. Learn to control the tone and nature of the tense...

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make of it.” -Charles R. Swindoll This phrase has a lot of truth to it. When you encounter times of hardship, it can be easy to get lost in a sea of negative thoughts. Why is this happening to me? Why didn’t God help me? When really these hardships are but a moment of time and often, when viewed with the correct perspective, can be motivators and strengtheners in life. Learning to change your cognition is one of the greatest skills of life. How you choose to view each situation will determine the outcome. Your feelings are not a result of an event, your feelings are the result of your thoughts about the event. It is important that you take the time to process and think about your experiences. Learning to see the value and the knowledge gained from your life will help you not just cope but thrive. For example, during one of the hardest times of my life, my family relationships were really struggling. I was going through som...

This is a very controversial topic...why? Because today’s society is so sexually wired. It’s true- take a look at the media especially. What do they always want? What sells? Sex appeal. When it comes to actual life and the values we want our children to see and uphold- this is not the message we want to be sending. How can we teach them proper values when everything around them is telling them the opposite? Society lives by what feels good and to experiment. This lifestyle is not one that I want to encourage my children to live by because there are real life consequences for our actions. Marriage is a sacred promise to love and cherish your spouse with complete fidelity. This especially includes sexual intimacy. It is an experience that should be shared between husband and wife in a setting that brings them closer together. It is not a recreational activity that should be treated lightly outside the bounds of marriage. Children have the right to be born to complete families where ...

It seems like people nowadays have lost what “being in a relationship” really means. It’s all about the superficial, such as “Oh, we look really cute together!” or “I just need a cuddle-buddy.” Whatever happened to meaningful relationships?? It is normal in today’s society to enter a relationship without getting to know someone- even marry them! The concept of cohabitation (living together before marriage) or having a “starter marriage” is common- even supported. The more I learn about developing relationships, however, these trends are not supportive of successful, healthy relationships that continue progressing. What are the stages of a relationship? ·          Dating ·          Courtship ·          Engagement ·          Marriage These are important stages of relationship development that can be...

Dating should be intentional. Have you ever heard of the RAM? No, not Dodge Ram Trucks or the animal, but the Relationship Attachment Model. Dr. John Van Epp talks about it in his book, “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk.” Basically, it is a set of five categories- Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, Touch- that should be carefully balanced so the relationship/dating attachments are the strongest. Often when people date it is simply because they are attracted to someone, but they don’t think about the deeper reasons until they have entered a relationship. This is dangerous because it leaves a lot of room to get hurt. If you use the RAM in your personal relationships, then they are more likely to become stronger and successful. There is a lot of research behind this, but even if you think about the scale logically it makes a lot of sense. Let me explain. The key to balance on this scale is not an even score across the board, but rather a descending arrow. You want “kno...

What impact does gender have on the family? What do our roles have to do with who we are and how we function as a unit? I think it’s interesting to compare traditional values with today’s societal beliefs. Right off the bat, I want to clarify that these are my beliefs. If you do not agree, that is okay and you have every right to do so. Everyone has different life experiences, so your views may vary.   I believe that the best marriages are those between a husband and wife that are committed to each other. They are also committed to their children and helping them develop into mature males and females. I think the roles of the members of the family are greatly influenced by gender. Fathers and Sons; Mothers and Daughters are “mini-me” relationships. The examples and influences of parents to their children is imperative to helping them maintain emotional and physical intelligence. Having a role model to look up to- mothers who are nurturing and guiding; fathers who preside a...

For this week’s blog post I wanted to talk about something that has been on my mind lately. There are infinite possible discussions in this area, but I wanted to write just a few of my thoughts about the family.   In a society where the family is becoming a “back-burner” priority, it is alarming how much we forget just how much the family affects. If you think about how children and their ideas of the world are formed, their first interactions are with their family. Their beliefs, cultural background, interests, education, etc. all begin with what they see at home. When the family is broken up or people decide not to make having/raising kids a priority, it is sad to see these lessons fade away. I think sometimes people see kids as burdens rather than priorities. There are lots of opinions along the lines of kids interrupt careers, education, even having fun. But really, they are the purpose of our lives. We need to make helping the next generation a priority. Our kids a...

Do you ever just ponder about the amazing design of the family unit?  Whether yours is biologically related or yours consists of chosen members, families are a beautiful thing.  Families are a support system, a system of checks and balances, a unit of love, a place of safety...I can't even begin to image where I would be in life if I didn't have my family. The escapades we have gone on include countless moves; Utah, Texas, China, Alabama, Hawaii, Washington, California...countless memories; glaciers, waterfalls, rural country, the heart of the city, mountains, canyons, the list goes on. Through all of the personality phases to the slow maturation of young adulthood, my family has always been there. When people ask where I am from, I always say wherever my family is because life wouldn't be complete without them.  The family is an interesting system. Every member plays an important part- from the development of social skills between siblings to the exam...

We live in a shifting society.  The social culture these days is focused on "me" and the community mindset is disappearing... Today, I want to address a subject that is very controversial. People are up in arms over this subject everyday because of our feel-good influences. Media, friends, family, etc...even teachers are encouraging the lifestyle of excessive individualism.  Individualism according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is " a doctrine that the interests of the  individual  are or ought to be ethically paramount." My question is, doctrine according to who?? If you think about the world in which we live, this frame of mind is common. It doesn't seem out of place and if you don't dig further, then this definition is perfectly acceptable. However, there is no reference as to who determined the doctrine of individualism- and especially in terms of our society, excessive individualism . With life evolving constantly, it is no wonder that our v...

Life is a funny thing.  Do you ever just pause and reflect over your life experiences?  Lost in thought about how the outcomes affected who you are and what you believe...where would I be if this scenario was any different? What kind of person would I have become if this didn't happen? If I had made a different choice, would that relationship still be the way it is? There are millions of possible choices that we have to make everyday- specifically in terms of relationships. Whether you realize the impact you have on others or not, humans are social creatures. We thrive on the interaction that comes from our fellow beings. It can drive us insane trying to figure out what others think of us, how we want to come across, how to relay our intended message, etc. Let alone trying to figure out ourselves and where our beliefs stem from on top of everything. I am taking marriage, family relations, AND parenting classes right now. I'm no expert, but I hope that by sharing t...