Relationship Progression


It seems like people nowadays have lost what “being in a relationship” really means. It’s all about the superficial, such as “Oh, we look really cute together!” or “I just need a cuddle-buddy.” Whatever happened to meaningful relationships??

It is normal in today’s society to enter a relationship without getting to know someone- even marry them! The concept of cohabitation (living together before marriage) or having a “starter marriage” is common- even supported. The more I learn about developing relationships, however, these trends are not supportive of successful, healthy relationships that continue progressing.


What are the stages of a relationship?
  • ·         Dating
  • ·         Courtship
  • ·         Engagement
  • ·         Marriage

These are important stages of relationship development that can be detrimental if missed. Last post, I talked about the RAM model. That plays an important part in this system.

Today’s social culture follows the model: “Hangout, Make out, Dropout.” (Sounds like practicing divorce to me…)

You spend time with someone, you begin to feel like you know them, add in attraction and making out, and then the relationship dies out because there is no real connection. Proximity plays a big part in this social dynamic. It is important to spend time in the dating stage- getting to know your love interest. You have to develop the friendship before moving into the courtship. Otherwise, how is it going to be a lasting relationship? Where is the foundation if you don’t get to know them on a cognitive level before a physical level? (Again, the RAM model...)



Then, once married, this doesn’t stop. Marriage doesn’t magically solve all of life’s problems. It just means that now you have someone to experience life’s ups and downs with. Dating shouldn’t stop once you’re married. Being in a relationship is like a muscle- you have to exercise (aka continue investing time and energy) if you want it to stay strong. It takes intentional action and requires you to invest in your partner’s needs as much as your own.

Married life can be an adjustment. Learning to live with someone of the opposite sex, establishing a home, beginning and taking care of a family, budgeting, figuring out systems that work- who goes shopping, etc. is a lot to discuss. These are things that you should begin talking and preparing for early, sometimes even in the dating stage. As you get to know someone, you should be asking questions that help you determine if their plans and future goals add up with yours. The key to relationships is open discussion. Once married, husband and wife should continue becoming one. Unified in their relationship, but not necessarily in agreement on everything- it takes compromise.
Sometimes people get caught up in the idea of a “soulmate” or “finding the one,” but really what it takes is two people who love each other and are willing to WORK. Yes, I said work. Relationships are not a walk in the park all the time.

Find someone who you can progress with. Relationships aren’t about perfection- they’re about potential and progression.

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