Talk Is Not Always Cheap

Relationships…it’s not all about the love. Arguably one of the (if not the) most necessary factors to any relationship is COMMUNICATION. This may seem fairly obvious, but it’s not as easy as you think. This post is going to be about effective communication…

The FIVE secrets to effective communication include:

1) Disarming Technique

2) Empathy

3) Inquiry

4) “I Feel” statements

5) Stroking

The disarming technique is a very useful skill- especially when it comes to sensitive subjects. Knowing how to soften the tension before it grows into an argument using humor, love, and respect will keep your relationship from the dangers of blind anger. It is important to learn when an argument is worth having versus when it is better to let your spouse have his/her own way of doing things. Often arguments with those we love are over the most mundane things and the words exchanged in the heat of the moment can cause a lot of damage. Learn to control the tone and nature of the tense moments using this technique.

Empathy seems fairly obvious, but how often do you think about the perspective of your spouse when you are arguing about something? It is important to make sure you recognize your partner’s perspective as valid as your own. They come from a different background, so naturally there are going to be differences in the relationship. Consider their needs and their feelings as this will help you view the situation with the goal of resolution, not just “winning.” Often this is where flexibility and compromise come in.

Inquiry is a great sidekick to empathy. In order to show your spouse that you care and are taking their feelings into consideration, try asking them questions to show you understand and are listening. For example, clarifying “If I understand what you are saying…is that correct?” This is a great way to show that you are trying to connect and acknowledge their side of the discussion.

Then, once you have asked clarifying questions to understand their perspective, you can use “I feel” statements to let them know your thoughts and feelings. This is your time to express your point of view. Let your spouse know how you are feeling without attacking them.

Lastly, stroking. This is an important finish to the discussion- make sure you express to your significant other how much they mean to you and that you appreciate their perspective. Let your spouse know that even in difficult conversation you still love them. It may seem like an obvious thing that you shouldn’t have to express, but it never hurts to tell them you adore them because you never know what is really going through their thoughts. When in doubt, spread the love.