Traversing Relationships

Relationships…it’s not all about the love. Arguably one of the (if not the) most necessary factors to any relationship is COMMUNICATION. This may seem fairly obvious, but it’s not as easy as you think. This post is going to be about effective communication… The FIVE secrets to effective communication include: 1) Disarming Technique 2) Empathy 3) Inquiry 4) “I Feel” statements 5) Stroking The disarming technique is a very useful skill- especially when it comes to sensitive subjects. Knowing how to soften the tension before it grows into an argument using humor, love, and respect will keep your relationship from the dangers of blind anger. It is important to learn when an argument is worth having versus when it is better to let your spouse have his/her own way of doing things. Often arguments with those we love are over the most mundane things and the words exchanged in the heat of the moment can cause a lot of damage. Learn to control the tone and nature of the tense...

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make of it.” -Charles R. Swindoll This phrase has a lot of truth to it. When you encounter times of hardship, it can be easy to get lost in a sea of negative thoughts. Why is this happening to me? Why didn’t God help me? When really these hardships are but a moment of time and often, when viewed with the correct perspective, can be motivators and strengtheners in life. Learning to change your cognition is one of the greatest skills of life. How you choose to view each situation will determine the outcome. Your feelings are not a result of an event, your feelings are the result of your thoughts about the event. It is important that you take the time to process and think about your experiences. Learning to see the value and the knowledge gained from your life will help you not just cope but thrive. For example, during one of the hardest times of my life, my family relationships were really struggling. I was going through som...

This is a very controversial topic...why? Because today’s society is so sexually wired. It’s true- take a look at the media especially. What do they always want? What sells? Sex appeal. When it comes to actual life and the values we want our children to see and uphold- this is not the message we want to be sending. How can we teach them proper values when everything around them is telling them the opposite? Society lives by what feels good and to experiment. This lifestyle is not one that I want to encourage my children to live by because there are real life consequences for our actions. Marriage is a sacred promise to love and cherish your spouse with complete fidelity. This especially includes sexual intimacy. It is an experience that should be shared between husband and wife in a setting that brings them closer together. It is not a recreational activity that should be treated lightly outside the bounds of marriage. Children have the right to be born to complete families where ...

It seems like people nowadays have lost what “being in a relationship” really means. It’s all about the superficial, such as “Oh, we look really cute together!” or “I just need a cuddle-buddy.” Whatever happened to meaningful relationships?? It is normal in today’s society to enter a relationship without getting to know someone- even marry them! The concept of cohabitation (living together before marriage) or having a “starter marriage” is common- even supported. The more I learn about developing relationships, however, these trends are not supportive of successful, healthy relationships that continue progressing. What are the stages of a relationship? ·          Dating ·          Courtship ·          Engagement ·          Marriage These are important stages of relationship development that can be...

Dating should be intentional. Have you ever heard of the RAM? No, not Dodge Ram Trucks or the animal, but the Relationship Attachment Model. Dr. John Van Epp talks about it in his book, “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk.” Basically, it is a set of five categories- Know, Trust, Rely, Commit, Touch- that should be carefully balanced so the relationship/dating attachments are the strongest. Often when people date it is simply because they are attracted to someone, but they don’t think about the deeper reasons until they have entered a relationship. This is dangerous because it leaves a lot of room to get hurt. If you use the RAM in your personal relationships, then they are more likely to become stronger and successful. There is a lot of research behind this, but even if you think about the scale logically it makes a lot of sense. Let me explain. The key to balance on this scale is not an even score across the board, but rather a descending arrow. You want “kno...